Saturday, April 21, 2012

approaching anxieties

As race day approaches - and really, it's not a race as I have no intentions of "winning" anything but the satisfaction of crossing the finish line after running 13.1 miles - I'm finding my anxiety level is skyrocketing.  The details of the day put me over the edge.
 
  • The morning routine
  • getting there 2 hours before the race
  • peeing
  • coordinating family members who want to be there
  • after race activities - my sister-in-law (practically my sister) is running 26.2 - I'm staying to see her finish, will my hubby and kids?  my parents?
  • not to mention dinner the night before
  • a planning meeting with everyone (hubby, kids, parents, in laws, SIL, aunt) to see who is going when, leaving when, meeting where, driving with whom, eating what and when and where before, during (for them) and after the race.
It's a lot for this girl to handle.  When I'm still struggling with "Am I going to be able to do this??"  Dumb ol' me signed up to do this in the heat of the moment, and I've put my time in and my miles in, but it hasn't gone as planned (injured now in fact) and it hasn't been easy (not that I expected it to be THAT easy... but still).

Dumb Ol' Me.

14 days and some odd hours...  wish me luck??!

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Finally Finding the joys of Running! and wishes

I have solved my blister problem!!!!!  And I couldn't be happier!  I made my 10 miles - actually did 11 and in record time for me!!  Now to tackle those darn hills!!  LOL  But I'm loving my running high now!  And can't wait for my next run.  Days off are hard!!

I wish I could do everything I want to do... How do you do it all?? 
I want to keep the house clean.  (but have you heard the one about trying to clean your house with kids is like brushing your teeth while eating an Oreo??!!)  I want to run and workout daily.  I want to be creative. I want to start my own business.  I want to blog more.  I either need more time, or another me!  But the kids, hubby, house all come before anything I want to do.  I've managed to squeeze in the running while Thing 2 is in school so that it doesn't impact anyone else's schedule.  But once she's in school full time, I'll probably have to go back to work... at least more than I do now! So that still doesn't leave a lot of time for all of the above.  I wish I could find a way to be financially productive doing the things I love... not that I don't love my 'real' job (PTA), but it's not quite the same. 

Maybe when I win the Mega Millions tomorrow night!!  ROTFLOL!!!!!  (oh my sides hurt now!!)
Dumb ol Me!!

(please leave a comment on how you do it all, or your problems doing it all too - maybe we can figure this out together!)

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Joys of Running (aka Pity Party)

Training for a marathon sucks.  Even 1/2 marathon.  It's not going well at the moment.  Mostly b/c I can't breath when I run, no matter how slow I go.  (No, I don't have asthma.) And the blisters are a killer!
Maybe I'm not a runner.
Last year, I watched my sister cross the finish line for the full marathon and cried just as much as she did!  I also cried when total strangers crossed the finish line as I stood there for an hour waiting for my sister.  It was so emotional and uplifting and motivational.  I wanted to be part of that! 
I hate running, always have.  (maybe a sign??!)  But I wanted that feeling I had that day just standing there....  and watching some of those people cross that line, I really though, if THEY could do it... why couldn't I?  I was in good shape, still am... 
But....I've been training for well, probably not as much as I should.  It's a time constraint... and I'm a stay-at-home mom with a preschooler still at home.  My first jobs are the kids and the house, I squeeze my training in when it won't impact anyone else's schedule.  And since January, I've only run 75 miles... not a lot in the whole scheme of things.
I love the feeling I have when I finish a run.  But not today... today I cried.  I'm so disappointed.  I don't think I can do the 13.1 miles.  But EVERYONE  knows I'm doing this. I'll feel like I've let them down.  Esp my sister and her mom.I've gotten new 'running' shoes from my mom.  Socks and support unlimited from my running sister. A heart-rate monitor, a running shirt and shoe bling from her mom.  Inquiries, concern, and support from many others.  I'll let them down.  Not to mention I'll just be embarrassed and feel like a complete failure if I quit.  so.... NO QUITTING!
But damn my feet hurt....
and my heart....
who would have thought that 'running'... just 'running' was so damn hard.
So, Dumb Ol Me will just have to suck it up, wipe away the tears, and keep going.  ...right after these blisters heal....

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Today 2/21

Today I need to grocery shop.  There is NOTHING in the house to eat...  and I mean NOTHING!

Today I need to run 4.5 miles as per my training schedule.  I'm a bit nervous after my 6 mile run on Sunday didn't go too well... but the weather here today is beautiful, so I'm excited to get out and hit the road.  May hit Pinterest 1st, there are some GREAT motivational sayings there!!  Wish I could download them to my phone and do a slide show while I run!!

Today starts Thing 1's Homework Achievement Plan as laid out by the school guidance counselor.  I'm nervous, yet hopeful that this will take some of the edge off the homework landmines that we have fallen into.

Today I plan on covering Thing 2's name with fabric, after another coat of paint to the edges.

Today I plan on not doing anything dumb!!!  ;o)

Monday, February 20, 2012

Yes, Dumb Ol Me strikes again... TWICE in one day!!  Not a record... 

Thing 1 and Thing 2 were off on Friday too, so was DH.  So it is basically a weekend day for me where the minimal amout of house work gets done.  Plus I had my mom, niece, nephew and brother here.  Saturday was hockey.  Sunday was running and napping!  Next comes Monday, catch up with housework day.  Open the washing machine only to discover that there were still clothes in there from... Thursday??!!  Oi!  Out comes the vinegar, and an extra rinse or two... and rewashed...  Problem Solved.  (smack upside the forehead!!)

I see this pin on pinterest about simmering orange peals and cloves. I remember doing this years ago and loving the smell.  So, Thing 2 wants an organe for lunch... what comes next...  Ugh, I burn my pan being the responsible adult supervising my simmering concoction from the floor below.  At least it was only my pan!  We (and i made the kids pinky swear to this) Are Not Telling The Hubby!!!

Dumb Ol Me!!
Today, Thing 1 and Thing 2 are home, like most other kids across America.  I'm trying to clean...  you know what they say about cleaning with kids home?  It's like trying to brush your teeth while eating an Oreo cookie!!  But, I'm trying so that the rest of the week I can play and train.  And maybe do the bathrooms, it takes a while to work up to that chore!  And continue to do laundry, because THAT job is just never done!!

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

drowning in an avalanche!!

Thing 1 is in 4th grade...  I'm having issues.  He is the youngest in his class, will only turn 10 at the end of May...  debated 5 years ago to hold him back or not... Well, he tested well for Kindergarten, so I let him go.  He has always had good grades, not perfect, and he works for them, but not too-too difficult.  Its the maturity level that kills him... and me.  Every year, up until after Christmas break, I kick myself for not holding him back, then something clicks with him and the 2nd half of the year is good.  Second grade was great the whole year thru.  Fourth Grade... we haven't clicked yet.  This is also the year I have let him do more than hockey and Cub Scouts.  We now do 2 hockey teams (club and school), Cub Scouts and violin.  Leading to a well-rounded kid, in my opinion.  I had told him at the beginning of the school year, and many times since that this year would be a work year, and that the time for 'playing' is coming to an end.  :(  But I wanted him prepared.  I also told him that this year was going to be for time-management skill development.  With all his activities, he was going to have to focus and do the work.  This has not worked out well.  He now does his homework in his room, because frankly, I can't take the drama of having to do 2-3 homework worksheets and the 45+ minutes it takes to do said worksheets.  He answers everything he can in his room at his desk, without the bothers of me or Thing 2, then he can come and ask questions, get help, etc.  Great.  Works better... still takes way too much time because 1) hes a typical boy and 2) is still an immature 9 yr old.  (which, don't get me wrong, is okay, if he was in 3rd grade without the work level and extra-curricular activities he has chosen to do).  This does not count the projects or tests that just seem to be piling on, esp now since we are a school that does the damn PSSA's... and he gets 'practice' packets sent home that are composed of 40 questions, reading and math that are due in a weeks time. 
This quarter he has lost any video game privileges due to his reading portfolio not being done on time last quarter.  (This portfolio consists of 5 books, summaries and various projects for each book.)  He came home on a Wednesday and said the portfolio was due on Thursday and he still had 1 1/2 books to read and 3 summaries and 3 projects.  TIME MANAGEMENT???!!!!  Was he even there when I was lecturing on the importance of this??  Ways to accomplish it??  The 'Just Do It' mentality??  Apparently not.  Maybe the walls were paying attention...  Hard to tell.  So here we are, this quarter with a broken wrist (so no violin classes or practices), 3 weeks from the due date, he does have all the books read.  But the summaries?  No.  Only has 2 done.  Maybe 2 1/2.  This portfolio has actual projects to be done; a diorama, bookmarks, an advertisement.  You can only do 1 once, so each book has a different project.  He has the bookmarks done, the diorama started... 

This is nothing compared to the hockey practices he has had to miss because of homework not being done, tests not studied for, projects waiting for the last minute...  And the TIME it takes for him to do any of this is staggering!  The Drama.  The Tears.  The Tantrums. The Arguments.  It goes on, and on, and on.  You'd think he'd learn from his mistakes.  You'd think I'd learn from my mistakes.  I don't handle it well, I'll admit it.  I expect a lot.  And we're strict.

I told Thing 1 that I would not fight with him to do his homework this year, or anything else for that matter.  It's his responsibility.  I'll help, I'll remind, but not nag, or fight.  If it's not done, it's his burden.  And I told his teacher this.  (Thing 2 is picking up on Thing 1's bad habits... she's only 4!! I can't do this again!!)  I've driven him back to school at least 3 times this year to get things he's forgotten.  I've called, emailed, borrowed from neighbors, teachers, friends for various things to help when he's forgotten, neglected or destroyed. 

And 5th grade is right around the corner.

I'm scared.

I feel I've ruined my son all because I didn't hold him back when deep in my heart I knew I should have.  If you have any doubts about putting your child in or holding back, hold back. It will only be easier for everyone in the long run.  He/She would be older, more mature - and that is never a bad thing.

I can't hold him back now, it would be cruel.  Kids are cruel. Unless we moved, out of state...  that's always a possibility....  <insert eye-roll here>


Once again, Dumb Ol Me screws up my kid....

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

I started this blog to vent... and just to put my thoughts out there....  but i have so many i don't know where to start!
Thing 1 is going to drive me to drink with his attitude. And he's only 9!!  (and 1/2)
I'm trying to train to run a 1/2 marathon.  I hate running!!  ;o)
My DH (darling, dear, dreadful, whatever...) makes me so mad....
Thing 2 is brilliant... and blond.  (I mean no disrespect to blonds, she's just a typical blond...)
I'm a SAHM, with a beautiful house that i can't keep clean, I want to start a craft business, but need to wait til Thing 2 is in school full time (next year or the year following), but THEN I'll have to start working again...
I want a vacation... by myself, but it would be more work before and after to even be worth it. 
Back to my 1st post on self... I know if anyone is reading this, you probably have similar issues!  How do you cope, what do you do?
I also have my period, so everything is off kilter!!

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Today is another hockey day.  Did I mention I'm a hockey mom to both Thing 1 and 2??!!  and Damn Proud of it!!  Thing 1 had practice this morning at 7:30... luckily the dad takes him, then it's off to see a cousin play in a tournie, then back for Thing 2's LTPH (learn to play hockey).  I love hockey!  Not to mention the local NHL team plays today!!  Have I mentioned I love hockey??!!

Friday, February 3, 2012

Soooo, the spelling words for this week are possessives and plueral possessives!  Babies', baby's, child's, classes', class's, fishes', goose's, mouse's, woman's....  YIKES!!!   I can't even come up with good sentences...  4th grade sucks!!

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Just me.

So, my first blog post... wow!  Pressure. 

So, this is me.

And the other day I was thinking about self.  My self.  Your self. His self. Her self.  Their selves.  And how we all have our self image, self esteem, self doubt. We can all talk together about our self... issues... and I can 'understand' yours, you can empathise with mine.  But you'll never "know" my self to the extent that I do.  We may have the same doubts, but our esteem is different, so our outlook is different.  Never the same equations. Always the same variables.

You get the same with card making, scrapbooking.  You can have the same supplies, same papers, same colors, same everything.  Get 2 different people, and invariably you'll end up with 2 different products.

That's the great thing about life!!

And my blog posts won't all be this serious.  I am a very sarcastic person....